- True appreciation for my body. It's pretty amazing. Like most people, there are definitely things I'd change about my physical body, but I've really learned just how incredible it truly is. I've added to my scar collection. For some reason, having scars on my stomach, even though I don't show people my stomach, has bothered me more than any of the others scars I have. Maybe it's the process of getting them, the process of healing (potty training at 39 was not something I thought I'd be doing), or just that was an area of the body I thought was "safe" from my own clumsiness. I don't know. But I look at them and am reminded that I live in a day and age where I am blessed that issues can be fixed. I couldn't imagine going through that kind of pain without the medications I had or without the knowledge of the surgeons/doctors/nurses who helped me.
- Patience. Yep, I still need to work on this one. I think I'll probably always have to work on this one. I still want answers and resolutions on my timetable, but if that were to truly happen, I wouldn't learn the lessons I need to learn. I can look back and be reminded of that, but it would help so much if I could remember that during whatever I am going through.
- Change will happen, whether I want it to or not. I'm not necessarily one who has a really tough time with change, usually. This year, I changed positions in work and changed offices. One of the reasons why I really didn't have a hugely hard time with this is that I got to initiate it. I chose to interview for the position (same job, but focusing more on in-home cases instead of foster care) and offered to change offices. I had a feeling as soon as I marked that I was willing to change offices that I'd be leaving my downtown team and heading closer to home. While I miss my old team, I have an incredible team now and it's been amazing to see how well we blend together and support each other. It definitely makes it easier to go to work when you like the people you work with (not that I had a horrible team before, but each team has it's own dynamics). I also chose to do what I swore I'd never do, dyed my hair. Now this may not seem like a huge deal, but I am very stubborn, so to swallow my pride and try this out was a big deal. I love it and will be keeping it up. Those have been changes I got to choose. They were easier for me to accept. Learning to continue to trust when things change that I have no control over can be difficult. I take comfort knowing I'm not alone in this.
- My family is amazing! Okay, this was not a new lesson for me so much as a reminder. If you didn't know, I started off 2015 with the funeral of my Grandmother, Colleen Clark. This death was not a particular surprise because of age, breast cancer, broken hip, etc. In some ways, it was a comfort knowing she was being released from pain and I can only imagine the reunion with her family (if I remember correctly, she was number 14 out of 16 kids and there are only two remaining). Then, in May, we had an extremely unexpected death. My Dad was in a car accident and died at the age of 68. That's so young. I never thought about how my parents would die or when, necessarily, but I did expect many more years with him. I also never imagined that his death, because of how it happened, would make the news. But, I got to see it on television and read about in the newspaper. Fortunately, no one else was hurt and we firmly believe that he wasn't in pain. Looking back, we realized that in the two weeks prior to his death, we'd each talked to him and told him we loved him and that he had been to something for everyone of his grandchildren who were old enough to participate in activities. He was actually on his way home from finishing that up by watching my niece and nephew play soccer. We've found great comfort in the Gospel, knowing we have the chance to be together again. We've continued to support each other and, while I think we've always been pretty close, I think it's brought us closer together (although I do think it may be awhile before I don't freak out when my older brother or his wife call me, instead of texting, since they got the unfortunate task of notifying all of us on this). It got me thinking of my memories and lessons learned from my parents, because it is sometimes hard to separate them out, but that's a whole other post.
- Trusting in the Lord's timing. Yeah, this one was really big for me. My life is in not where I thought it would be. This was probably one of the hardest things to me about my Dad's death - thinking about the things he wouldn't be around for, physically. I was sure I'd be married by now and have kids. That hasn't happened. I'll never had a daddy/daughter dance at my wedding. If I have kids, they won't get to meet him here in this life. But, knowing there is a plan that I don't always get, is so important to me. We've been able to answer a lot of questions, but the number one question, "why," we aren't able to resolve. There are so many instances where that's the case. Faith and trust in the Lord are often the only way to get through those things, even though it can be very difficult
- Music does calm. Also, not a big lesson for me so much as a great reminder. I claimed a guitar from Dad and took lessons from my sister-in-law. Just being able to sit down and play something, whether it's the guitar, piano, flute, really does help relax me. I can get lost in what I am doing and I find that it helps me if I can just lose myself for even five minutes. After that I can face whatever it going on with a little bit more focus and feel more serene.
- There is something to be said for having great friends. I often refer to "my poor roommate." What does it say when your own mother asks her, "why haven't you run yet?" The truth is we have a lot in common, like it's been scary to realize just how much. But, between health issues and deaths and just everyday living, it's meant so much to know she'll help me out and support me. We kid that neither or us will move because we don't want to train anyone else or we like having someone else to help pay the bills, but, at least for me, I do treasure the relationship and hope that it's not just one-sided. It is nice to have the same job so she understands when I have a bad day. The support and love felt through friendship is amazing. Having someone to go on walks with, to do book club with, to see movies, or whatever the case me be, is amazing. I'm not always the best at stepping out of my comfort zone and making new friendships, but I certainly treasure the ones I have.
- It's okay to get rid of stuff. This was one of my goals for last year. Truthfully, I could do better. Isn't that usually the case? I set a goal to take stuff to Deseret Industries each month. It probably averaged out more to every other month. But going through the clothes, movies, books, etc. and just purging this was great. I need to keep doing it. I have way too much stuff! Of course, it doesn't help that it often feels as though I get rid of it just to replace it, but I'm working on that, too.
- It's important to be an adult, but it's important to be childish, too. I firmly believe this. There's a reason why I'm currently obsessed with minions. They're so cute! I think you need to play your games sometimes and you need to just not be the grown up some times. It's all about balance; I don't always have enough of this.
- Go to new places. I love traveling. If I ever became independently wealthy (so didn't choose the career for that), that's one of the things I would do so much more of. I got to go back out to Virginia for a few weeks. It was great to try new places, even went down to North Carolina for a couple of days. I'd never been there. This year, we're doing a family cruise in the Caribbean. If travel isn't your thing, branch out and try new restaurants. Admittedly, I'm not that adventurous when it comes to my cuisine, but I do love to try different restaurants. I won't be heading out to the newest sushi place, or anything to do with seafood, and I may still look for the baked potato at whatever barbecue/steak house I go to, but I will at least be able to say which place has the best baked potato.
- Face a fear. As I've gotten older, my body has gotten worse and worse about heights. I hate this. I used to love doing roller coasters and climbing things. Now, I start shaking driving into the parking lot of the amusement park. But, it's amazing how being with your nieces and nephews can make you try to be brave to help them be brave. The log ride at Lagoon may not have been that big of a deal for anyone else, but it about sent me into a panic attack when I took it with two eight-year-olds and a six-year-old (I was so glad they sat in front of me so they couldn't see the color leave my face when we started the climb). Then, our team, who is apparently all afraid of heights, decided to try to be brave and do a high ropes course on a team retreat. It was super fun, even if I did cause the ropes to completely shakes as I crossed the obstacles. I didn't make it across every obstacle, but I made it across some. And I was SO excited to get out of the harness and back onto solid ground. There's team bonding for you.
- If life is really sucking, lose yourself in a book. Or a movie. I firmly believe that sometimes, in order to get through a hard time, you have to ignore it for a little bit. Take a time out. The problem/trial, isn't going to go away, but your perspective may change. Or, maybe just taking time out from it, will be what you need to truly face it and move forward.
- You can find beauty everywhere. I'm trying to focus a little more on this one right now. I hate snow. I would have no problem not having a white Christmas. But, I live in Utah. We get snow. I live in a place where the driveway and snow do not mix well (hence, having to be rescued from my own driveway by a tow truck). But, when I don't have to go out into it, I can truly appreciate how beautiful the freshly fallen snow is. Looking up into the mountains, seeing it on the trees, it is beautiful. Doesn't mean I want to be in it, but that is part of life where I live, so I am trying to see the good in it. Maybe it will help for when I want to see green in the summer.
- I love nature; it doesn't necessarily love me. When you get tested for allergies for 55 things and you test sky high for 50 of them, I think that's an understatement. So, I've come to terms with the fact that I will, most likely, be "drugging" myself daily on antihistamines for the rest of my life. I am one of those special people who grew into allergies. I didn't really have them as a kid. Lucky me. Surprisingly, even with all of those allergies, I have no issues with asthma and breathing, overall. I know the two are not necessarily hand in hand, but there does tend to be a correlation, and my doctor was surprised at that.
- Love the Lord. There are so many things that we are not going to understand in this world. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. Your beliefs and world beliefs don't go hand in hand. The Lord is there for each one of us. He loves each one of us and truly does want what is best for us. We don't have to, and frequently don't, agree with what that means, but it doesn't make it less true. There is too much good in the world that is so overwhelmed by the bad. For me, it's my faith in the Lord that helps me get through this. I'm not perfect. My beliefs and opinions are not the same as everyone else. But, I do know and continue to know that the Lord loves me. I love Him and hope that I live so that I can see Him again someday.
Our Relief Society has chosen to focus on Joy. I love this. It's been a hard couple of years. I want to see the good in things, people, situations. I want to be happy. I think focusing on gratitude and joy will work well for me this year.
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