Tribute

On Monday, it will be the first year anniversary of Dad's death.  It's tough to believe still.  I never really though about how a parent would die, but his was definitely nowhere in my wildest imagination.  As we prepared for his funeral, there were lots of walks down memory lane.  There were several memories that, for whatever reason, I wasn't a part of.  While that may be true, I do still have great memories and lessons from him.  I miss him and will continue to miss him, but what I hope most of all is that I can live up to the legacy he left me and the wonderful memories that he and Mom worked so hard to create for us.  So, in no particular order, a few lessons and memories of my wonderful father.

Dad was a planner.  Yes, he did buy me my first planner.  I'm still a planner.  It relaxes me to have things written down and know what's going on.  (Sorry, Mandy, that you have to deal with it whenever I bring the calendar out.)  However, part of my planning is knowing when an attraction opens so that we don't get there before it does - especially on our vacations when we should be sleeping in.

 (My siblings will kill me for including this picture - city of fashion, family of none.)  Because of Dad's military career, we were able to travel and see sight.  We had the chance to be in Berlin before, during, and after the Fall of the Berlin Wall.  As weird as it seems to many, this is the reason none of us five kids were born in the same place (totally normal for military brats).  We got to travel; we got to experience history firsthand; we grew closer as a family - and I still count my siblings as among my best friends.

Dad actually bought me my first journal - on one of my first temple trips.  This was the beginning of what has turned into a thirty year habit and over twenty journals.  I find it very therapeutic to write things down and just get things out.  There are lessons learned, experience gained, and just life, in general.

 No matter what, family first was Dad's motto.  We knew he loved us, but he absolutely adored his role as Grandpa.  He attended games, plays, concerts, and anything else he possibly could for them.  We figured out that he had been able to go to something for each one of his twelve grandkids within two weeks of his death.  He was actually on his way home from finishing this off and watching one of his grandsons playing soccer.

 Dad could be a bit obsessive.  Or maybe it's nicer to say that he never jumped into anything half-heartedly.  He was a compulsive caretaker for his lawn.  (This bit of his legacy has continued on as whatever his secret formula was is now being used on my Grandpa's yard as well as my aunts.)  Have to say, his green thumb definitely did not get passed onto me.  Not only did I not get that gene, but I can't even give it a whirl for too long without breaking into hives.  But, truthfully, the hay fever and allergies are from his genetics, although my body seems to have taken that to extreme.  (Those genetics also account for the bad eyes and poor hearing in one ear.)  This was also the best example in the world as Dad gave his all to anything he was asked to do.  He helped Mom with whatever she needed (even made a backdrop for an anniversary party she decorated for), supported her in her callings, and took great care of us.

Dad was amazing, but I did learn that full out emotional/mental breakdowns were not necessarily his specialty.  He was there for rides, got the beds ready for you when we needed to recuperate at their home, fill your prescriptions, and take the time off to help care for you.  However, I had to get a chuckle when, after he tried to comfort me after one of (yes, that is multiples) my surgeries and I was having an epic meltdown, he immediately left my room and called Mom to ask how much longer till she's be home.  Or when in the hospital, the meltdown came again because they had to fix my IV and couldn't find a vein anywhere, Mom had to leave the room and stationed him at my shoulder to hold my hand.  I think I could feel the tension leave his shoulder when Mom came back into the room.  It may not have been his greatest strength, but that he wouldn't leave me alone in my "misery" meant the absolute world to me.  He didn't skip a beat and it really was only in hindsight that I realized how truly awkward those situations really were.

 Mom and Dad loved the temple.  One of my favorite memories with Dad was actually being in the temple after Brian went through the first time.  He came up to me with tears in his eyes, looked around the room, and told me how happy he was that he could now say all five of his kids had been through the temple and were worthy to be there.  He and Mom got to serve together in the temple.  It was so neat to watch them get ready to go for their shifts (advantage of having extended recoveries at their home).

 Education was important to Dad.  I always knew I was going to go to college.  I knew that this was something I wanted.  High school graduation and then college - there was no question in my mind that I would need to do this.  Truthfully, I got a big advantage when he retired from the military and started working at Utah State University.  He needed to be employed there for  two years before his dependants could get a discount.  His two years were up in August and I had my first year of tuition due that September.  I love learning and loved college.  I also loved that I could swing by his office to say hi, and if he was free he would take me for an Aggie ice cream.

 

Dad taught us about patriotism and being proud to be American.  (I still have lots and lots of flag shirts.)  My country is not always perfect and there are things that need to be fixed, but it is my country and I love it.  I love our history and I love the diversity of it.  He taught me that and I will forever be grateful.

 I loved watching Dad with my Grandparents.  He had a grat relationship with them.  When his parents passed away several years ago, he relied on my Mom's parents and stayed with them.  They were always welcome in our home.  When Grandma Clark got sick and Mom started spending so much time in Kearns, she admitted she couldn't have done it without his support.  He took care of things at home so she could help take care of her parents.  That was amazing.

 Mom and Dad, I'm sure, had their issues, but I was left in the dark about them.  The only time I really, truly remember my Dad getting mad at me was when I was disrespectful to Mom (teenage angst).  This is what I'd like in a marriage.  I want someone who loves me and respects me and stands up for me and with me.  They were a team.  They loved each other.  They were high school sweethearts and made it long-term.  Dad frequently said that he couldn't have had his career without her support.  He took her away from her family, while they created their own family.  I had a wonderful example of family and marriage and coparenting.

It can actually be very difficult to find pictures of Dad at our family get togethers because he was always the camera man.  I've never liked having my picture taken, but love taking pictures, being behind the camera.  He actually did the first scrapbooks for Jen and Russ and started mine - I got to finish it.  Because of him, we all have lots of evidence of our time together, our trips, and our good times.

Dad was a great example of being a dad.  I still get to see him in action when I watch my brothers with their kids.  I'm sure they each have their own things they are trying emulate and follow.  He honored his Priesthood and showed them how to do the same.  He supported them in honoring their Priesthood.  He's helped them in building their homes.  I'm sure there were man-to-man talks and father-son moments. 

 

Dad was really into family history.  He loved learning about his history and pulling the pieces of the puzzle together.  When he became High Priest group leader, he was pretty excited to find out that this was part of his responsibility.  When I actually get inspired to try to do it, I think of him.  A lot of the work that's been done is beause of him putting the pieces together.

He was truly the head of our family and someone for us to look up to.  He taught us lessons, helped us grow, and tried to be there for us in anyway he could (pretty sure I didn't need pictures of the exciting times of me keeping stats at volleyball games, but that's what I was involved in at the time).  

I grew up considering myself to be a daddy's girl.  I love my Dad.  I love the time I got to spend with him.  I miss him and wish he were still here, but that's not the case.  He's still here in spirit.  He's still here in each of us.   

 I would love to hear any of your memories/experiences of my Dad.  He was one of my heroes and I'll spend the rest of my life hoping I live up to the legacy he left.