Control Issues

 I admit it - I have control issues.  I'm lost without my planner.  I hate being late.  When I get overly stressed, being able to look and say, "Here's the plan" is very comforting to me.  This is part of the reason this whole issue with my body has been so very frustrating to me.  I can't plan when I'll have my good days and my bad days.  I can't figure out whether or not I'll be able to follow through on what I've committed to because I'm on pain pills.  And, at this point in time, I can't schedule things out because I still have a surgery looming out there that I don't know when it's going to happen, so I don't know how to figure that out. 

This is not a big surprise. I've known I have control issues, it even became a source of a joke between me and my physical therapist when I was trying to do a move for my shoulder.  I couldn't even just let loose there and had to use a weight to take the control away from me.  When you really think about it, however, we really don't have a whole heck of a lot of control over most things.  The weather is going to change; we get to work around other peoples' schedules; people may or may not follow through on your recommendations; and the list goes on and on.

So, last week, the lack of control got to me.  It hit me very suddenly and very randomly.  I was walking down the stairs leaving my office and had the thought, I can't control what's going on in my body right now, so I'll take charge of something I can control - I was able to get in with my hairdresser and the hair was gone!  It's been very nice to go short once again and have the morning routine cut quite significantly.  Sometimes you just need to feel like there is something you can do about anything in life and act on it.